This little gem is why I still read the China Daily online. How wild conjecture like this ends up as a top news story is way beyond the abilities of my ‘moderately developed’ mind to comprehend. I, for one, can hardly wait for the lavish CCTV celebration that will herald the arrival of “developed country” status in 2080.
I must say, though, I am rather perturbed that my esteemed home country, Canada, doesn’t seem to have a Centre for Modernization Research. I couldn’t think of a better use for tax money. How can we even consider ourselves a respectable, modern nation? I’m so ashamed.
So, what will the world of 2080 look like, as developed China arrives on the scene?
Here are a few guesses:
1) The tallest structure in Shanghai is an 120-level elevated expressway, the construction of which necessitated the bulldozing of the entire city. China finally achieves the perfect, ‘modern’ city by having no one actually live in it.
2) At least half the London Underground system is closed on weekends for repairs… that were started in 2005.
3) Disneyland Baghdad opens to much fanfare, and the occasional mortar.
4) Tension simmers across the Pacific between China and Canada- the former claiming the latter is a renegade province, having always been an inalienable part of Chinese territory. Suspicious Canadians feel that this has a lot less to due with history, and a lot more to do with the presence of abundant natural resources. The United States promises to defend the Great White North, after having invaded it in 2054 to spread democracy, fight terror and find the weapons of mass destruction that are still missing from Iraq.
5) Londoners who celebrated the beginning of 24-hour pub licenses in November 2005 finally stumble out onto the streets, sober up momentarily only to realize they are now over 100 years old, and head right back in for another pint.
6) The World Bank, now a subsidiary of the Bank of China, issues a controversial report stating that the West is “not as developed as before”.
7) The last tree in Indonesia is cut down.
8) Quebec holds its 15th referendum on independence. “Maybe” garners 49% of the vote, narrowly trailing “Maybe Not”.
9) South Africa joins the EU as Iran, Bangladesh and Australia are announced as candidates for membership. Turkey, still in negotiations, is outraged.
10) Japan is renamed Manchuria by the Provisional Chinese Occupation Authority to much international outcry.
11) After decades of abuse, oppression and forcible playing of annoying ringtones, mobile phones the world over promptly rise up against their masters, effectively bringing an end to the Human Age. United Nations Mobile is formed.
12) China files an official complaint with United Nations Mobile, claiming it has had less than a year to enjoy its newfound ‘developed’ status. UNM sends in the tanks. The Mobile Party of China declares the founding of Newer China and promptly embarks on a rapid modernization program to catch up with Scandinavia within 15 years. Mao Zedong is brought back to life as a shiny Nokia flip top to lead the effort.
13) Somewhere in Henan province, an old man smokes as he rides his donkey cart to the market. He’s thankful he can’t afford a mobile phone.