Reports are flooding in from across the US of massive gridlock, running hundreds of miles up to the US/Canadian border, as millions flee the expected purge of liberal America. With a Bush victory now confirmed, most of those interviewed weren’t sticking around long enough for the speeches. “Cheney’s got a list, he’s checking it twice…and I’m on it”, said one man as he bundled his family into the back of their car.
In one particularly frantic scene, a helicopter was swarmed by thousands of desperate refugees on a rooftop in New York City as rumours spread that Republicans had reached the outer suburbs. As the helicopter took off, several Republicans known to have supported Kerry hung on to its landing skids for dear life. “Tell my wife I love her!” yelled one of the distraught men.
Elsewhere in America, liberal bastions sat in an eerie calm of empty streets, discarded posters and shuttered windows.
Some stragglers nervously scraped Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers off their cars and hung “We Welcome Our Dear Leader” banners from lamp posts. “John Kerry? Who’s that? I’m a patriot! Long Live Bush and the Red Revolution!” said one unidentified woman as she burned her Kerry/Edwards lawn sign.
John and Suzanne Bailey, two Californians who found refuge at their relatives’ home in Hamilton, Ontario, were “very lucky to have made it out before the border closed”.
“I mean, how bad can Canadian winters really be?”, John asked, as he inhaled deeply from his quasi-legal joint.
Back in Chicago, however, Mike Smith seemed more resigned to his fate. He hadn’t seen any Republicans yet, but claims to have heard sporadic outbursts of “4 more years!” coming from the outskirts throughout the night. “They should be in the city within a day at most”, he predicted, “I don’t expect much of a fight”.
“I just hope the re-education camp serves decent coffee”.
Update: CNN picks up on the story.