Ape Rifle

For some reason, I have been thinking a lot about my time in China lately. More specifically, my first year in China. The year when everything was fresh, crazy, wild and foreign. The year when my concept of China was based for the most part on that crazy little city called Zibo.

Today, I remembered that I have still have some pictures from that first year in China floating around the internet. This was pre-digital camera for me, so these photographs are not of the best quality. But I think they capture the natural beauty and fresh air that absolutely slapped me in the face upon my first China adventure beyond the confines of Shandong. So to celebrate China Nostalgia Day, may I present to you: Spring Festival 2003 pictures, brought to you by Hainan, Kunming, Xishuangbanna, Dali, Nanning and Yangshuo. Those were the days when I was wide-eyed and innocent, still a year or two away from the cynical beast I am today. Enjoy.

There is a bus stop just outside my residence. It’s an ordinary bus stop, nothing more and nothing less. It’s particularly useful at 4am, because the night bus from central London stops there, helping me avoid walking through the rather sketchy late night scene of my neighbourhood.

This bus stop has an interesting habit of getting its windows smashed a few times a month. On my walk to the corner store, I know everything is alright in the world when I see the familiar safety-glass shards scattered liberally across the sidewalk. What good are roaming drunks if they don’t bother to vandalize public property?

This afternoon, however, things went a little further. Not only did the bus stop windows get smashed again, but the drunks got a little more creative this time. They got themselves a road median marker (think a large, heavy, fluorescent yellow traffic cone) and put it to optimal, destructive use.

I didn’t witness this event firsthand, but from the crime scene I gather that median markers are quite able at smashing through bus stop windows. Never underestimate the power of alcohol.

I got an e-mail the other day that really made me laugh. It was an invitation to a “Chinese Corner” held on the last Saturday of every month, giving a chance to us Mandarin learners to interact with some bonafide native speakers. Immediately, memories of countless “English Corners” in China came to mind, along with memories of myself digging more than a few cross-cultural holes. Oh, those were the days.

So am I going to attend? Damned straight. In preparation, I’m working on some tough questions and statements to stimulate discussion.

1. How do you like British food?
2. Can you use cutlery?
3. Do you like the UK? (or alternatively: What do you think of the UK?”)
4. What do you do in your spare time?
5. What do you do in your spare time in China?
6. If you could vote, would it be for Mao?
7. How will you spend your Spring Festival day?
8. We all know that the UK is a developed country. Discuss.
9. Is China still part of the Soviet Union?
10. Do you think London is a beautiful and modern city?
11. Communism for fun and profit? Discuss.
12. Do you play CS?
13. Do you like British men/women?
14. Do you want to marry a British citizen?
15. Can you ride a bike?
16. Why aren’t you wearing a Mao suit?
17. Why don’t you look Chinese?
18. How do I improve my spoken Chinese?
19. Why is Japan cooler than China? (warning: potential fight starter)
20. Have you ever heard of Da Shan?
21. Given the enormous difficulties facing China in the social, economic and environmental spheres, do you think the CCP will manage to maintain employment growth and thus social stability through a continuation of their support for reckless economic growth, or will the negative effects of the resulting rising inequality become so pronounced as to cause major disruptions among the vast rural population?
(Welcome to LSE.)

I guess you could say I’m a glutton for punishment. Working in China was a great time, and studying at LSE is shaping up to be one, but for such international experience I am forced to make significant sacrifices. Over the past three years, I have become accustomed to life without blue sky. Whether breathing the intense industrial smog of Northern China or, more recently, getting dumped on by the perma-clouds in the UK, I have to make do with a life largely devoid of clean, crisp sunshine.

It is such that when I come across a clear, blue day, I must look at the sky and stand in awe of whatever warped entity endowed such beauty on us poor humans. Not much on this planet is more beautiful than a beautiful day.

Now you might be surprised that when the sun comes out in London, it is indeed a gorgeous place. Air pollution here really is minimal; kudos to whomever managed to get it cleaned up. Unfortunately, these nice days hide among an onslaught of cloudcover, mist, fog, drizzle, rain and whatever else you can do to the sky to make it naturally gray. If London can be beautiful, it can alternatively also be quite depressing. And cold. And wet.

But this morning, as I opened my curtains I was treated to a vast blue expanse, disturbed only by the numerous airliners criss-crossing the sky as they line up for landing at Heathrow. So, to commemorate this remarkable time, I present the first annual, completely biased Blue Sky Awards.

The “Not as Bad as You’d Expect” Award (China): Shanghai

Ok, ok. Shanghai’s air can be pretty bad. But compared to most other places in the country, this east coast megalopolis is pretty tame in the particulate matter department. Granted, this has probably been achieved by banishing filthy industry to the countryside, but I guess Shanghai still deserves some credit. Blue sky can actually be seen here, and was experienced upon several visits.

The “Not as Bad as You’d Expect” Award (International): New York, London

New York

London

For such huge, industrialized urban agglomerations, the air quality in these places is absolutely top knotch (unless you are a native, then you will bitch about it constantly, especially in London). When people talk of escaping London’s ’smog’ for the countryside, they must be referring to the smoke in bars, because there is nary an industrial emission in sight. Now, if only they could work on that street level diesel stench…

Granted, success here has probably been achieved by banishing filthy industry to developing countries, but I guess New York and London still deserve some credit. Unlike some places, they seem to have stumbled upon an amazing invention: emission controls.

The “Worse Than You Can Imagine” Award: Chongqing and Zibo, Shandong

I think these pictures are pretty self-explanatory.

Dear God.

Chongqing

Zibo

The “Not as Good as You’d Expect” Award: Hainan, Xishuangbanna

These two major tourist destinations offer sunlight and relaxation, and are definitely miles ahead of the more populated areas of China in terms of blue sky. Yet, they still seem incapable of completely escaping the haze that sits over all of Asia. Hainan, through no fault of its own, sits just a bit too close to the Guangdong industrial powerhouse. I’m not too sure where the haze in Xishuangbanna came from, but it was sadly noticeable on my last visit.

A certain something sits over the Mekong in Xishuangbanna

The “Absolutely Stunning” Award: Lijiang, Yunnan and Dunhuang, Gansu

I think these pictures are pretty self-explanatory.

Lijiang

Dunhuang

Wow.

The “Really Amazing for a City” Award: Kunming and Montreal

Kunming

Montreal

There is not much better than the shock of fresh air one gets in Kunming upon arrival from Eastern China. Along similar lines, there is not much better than realizing that my hometown of three and a half million people has cleaner air than many rural areas on the planet. A smog warning in Montreal is a complete joke: who is smoking the cigarette?

The “Most Frustrating” Award: Hangzhou

Hangzhou on a good day

Hangzhou on a bad day

My second home in China was perhaps the most annoying in terms of air quality. One day would be gorgeous, and then the next would be so filthy as to simulate life inside an exhaust pipe. It could be a beautiful place and an industrial hell all wrapped into one, neat Chinese package. Not quite paradise on earth, but an occasional clear autumn day by West Lake was good enough.

The “Complete Shock” Award: Arriving in Vancouver from China

I guess Canada really is, uhh, beautiful and clean.

The “The US Is The Biggest Polluter on Earth?? What??” Award: Rhode Island

Star and Stripes, lookin’ good

I’ve always loved New England, and for good reason.

The “Pretty Bad for a ‘developed’ Country” Award: Paris

Ok, I haven’t been there since 1997, but when I lived there was a certain stench in the air. Being a fresh-faced Canadian boy, it was my first experience of life with diesel and without catalytic converters. I still remember the brown cloud that usually greeted us upon our final descent to the airport. I’m sure that it pales compared to the Chinese effort, but, hey, I’ve got to bash some Western places too.

Reports are flooding in from across the US of massive gridlock, running hundreds of miles up to the US/Canadian border, as millions flee the expected purge of liberal America. With a Bush victory now confirmed, most of those interviewed weren’t sticking around long enough for the speeches. “Cheney’s got a list, he’s checking it twice…and I’m on it”, said one man as he bundled his family into the back of their car.

In one particularly frantic scene, a helicopter was swarmed by thousands of desperate refugees on a rooftop in New York City as rumours spread that Republicans had reached the outer suburbs. As the helicopter took off, several Republicans known to have supported Kerry hung on to its landing skids for dear life. “Tell my wife I love her!” yelled one of the distraught men.

Elsewhere in America, liberal bastions sat in an eerie calm of empty streets, discarded posters and shuttered windows.

Some stragglers nervously scraped Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers off their cars and hung “We Welcome Our Dear Leader” banners from lamp posts. “John Kerry? Who’s that? I’m a patriot! Long Live Bush and the Red Revolution!” said one unidentified woman as she burned her Kerry/Edwards lawn sign.

John and Suzanne Bailey, two Californians who found refuge at their relatives’ home in Hamilton, Ontario, were “very lucky to have made it out before the border closed”.

“I mean, how bad can Canadian winters really be?”, John asked, as he inhaled deeply from his quasi-legal joint.

Back in Chicago, however, Mike Smith seemed more resigned to his fate. He hadn’t seen any Republicans yet, but claims to have heard sporadic outbursts of “4 more years!” coming from the outskirts throughout the night. “They should be in the city within a day at most”, he predicted, “I don’t expect much of a fight”.

“I just hope the re-education camp serves decent coffee”.

Update: CNN picks up on the story.

Yesterday was, beyond a doubt, a gorgeous day here in London. Seeing blue sky in the country that invented cloud cover is always a treat, to say the least, but there is also something extra special about a crisp, sunny late October afternoon (be it in Montreal, Hangzhou or the UK).

So, on a very non-eventful Hallowe’en, I gladly burst my academic bubble for a few hours and did what any sane individual would do under such enjoyable weather conditions: I went for a walk. I grabbed the tube up to Marble Arch and strolled through the vast expanse of Hyde Park, catching Green Park, Buckingham Palace and St-James’s Park on my way home. I found it frankly amazing to see such greenery in the middle of such a huge, dense city, somewhat similar to the shock I got seeing Central Park in New York.

Hyde Park

More Hyde Park

This area of the city is very spacious and rather monumentally planned, far more so than the London I navigate daily on my way to and from school; I guess we can thank the Royal influence for that. It’s the part of the city that most fits the stereotypical image of the European city: broad tree-lined boulevards intersecting at carefully landscaped monuments to imperial glories past. Heck, there’s even a palace in there.

Wellington Arch

Near Buckingham Palace

The rest of the central city is much more claustrophobic, a proudly anti-grid layout of history piled on top of itself. In much of London, I get the impression of a very gradual evolution of the city’s form, with history not so much erased by the bulldozer (apart from German bombs) but rather built upon, through and over. This city’s physical form really is several hundred years all at once, and that’s definitely part of its charm (but more on that in another post).

The London I’m more familiar with

Walking around yesterday, I realized that the London I have briefly known is far removed from all the stereotypes that have been traditionally heaped on it. I guess somewhere in the recent past things changed a lot: it’s not exactly a grimy city anymore (even down here in South London where I live), and the air is remarkably clean for a city of its size. The roads are quite tame, with lots of dedicated bus lanes and a car congestion level that is almost non-existent compared to places like, yes, Hangzhou (perhaps this has something to do with it). Of course, it is cloudy about 70% of the time (and rainy days come in at only a slightly lower percentage), but that’s just something I have to get used to.

Besides admiring the scenery and getting carried away with urban analysis, I also took a stroll through Speaker’s Corner in the northeast corner of Hyde Park. This is where people stand up on stools and step ladders to rant at the crowds gathered around them about a topic of their choice. What makes it so entertaining is that most of these guys are wildly over the top, preaching (or screaming) about the coming Apocalypse while engaging in heated debate with people in the crowd. A particularly popular issue seemed to be Iraq and the imminent American election. One exchange between speaker and crowd member somehow managed to move from American politics to penis size.

Telling it like it is

London is a fun place on a sunny day.