Having loads of time on my hands, I’ve managed to check up on all my favourite blogs. I’m happy to report that Sinobling seems back in fine form with yet another hilarious list, this one concerning possible Chinese superheroes. For further list hilarity, check out Things Not To Do in China and Greg’s ESL Cafe.
So in honour of Sinobling, I present my own random list. As I travelled around the country this past month, I encountered the inevitable propaganda billboards/government policy slogans. A vestige of days gone by, they use socialist style sloganeering to encourage everything from economic development to hand-washing. Most billboards say something about developing the motherland and/or social stability, and are comprised of smiling uniformed people standing tall in front of an American downtown and/or Swiss countryside backdrop (Detroit seems to be a favourite, god know why).
Of course, like any good propaganda, these things aren’t exactly rooted in reality. So, I got to wondering: what would these slogans/government campaigns sound like if they were just a bit closer to the on-the-ground situation in modern China? Here are a few possibilities:
Prepare for your Future: Sleep in Class
Think for your motherland, not for yourself
Cheating: Everyone is doing it!
News is Boring: Keep playing Counterstrike!
We Decide, They Report, You Obey
Say Hello! A Guide to Welcoming Foreign Friends
Buy A Car Now, Learn to Drive Later
Bicycles are for losers
Help Fight Traffic: Drive on the sidewalk
Ignore the Peasants: Everything is Fine
Money Can’t Buy Taste: A Beginner’s Guide to being Nouveau Riche
Conserve Energy! Turn Off the AC, Take Off your Shirt
What’s that Smell?
Don’t Worry, It’s just Fog
Keep Smoking, We Need the Money
A Denial a Day keeps the Problem Away!
Taiwan: All Your Base Are Belong To Us
Your Neighbour Has One, Why Don’t You??
Communism’s not Dead, It’s just Sleeping
Supply, Demand and Embezzlement: Onwards, New Economy!
There’s Enough For Everyone: Get in Line!
Tall Buildings = Development
Voicing Your Opinion, or How To Disappear Completely
The Countryside? Where’s that? Urban China Welcomes You!
Modernize the Infrastructure, Not the People
You Borrow the Money, We’ll Bail Out the Bank
Everyone Loves the Han: Settle in Western China today!
Don’t Drink the Water: Not Just a Dave Matthews Song
We Built This City But Didn’t Get Paid: Respecting Migrant Workers
I’m Rich, Get Out of My Way! Proper Social Relations in an All-around, Well-off Society
Changing the Topic: A Guide to Conversation with Foreign Friends
Mao Drove a Lexus: Study Ideological Continuity Today!
Japan: Hate the Country, Not the Money
Goodbye Protest, Hello Qinghai
Don’t Worry China, I Still Love You! Resist Bitter Foreigner’s Complaints