Money for Nothing…
With the Spring Festival holiday just around the corner, I am once again worrying about how I will fund my cross-China travels. Many people pick up extra classes, or go to teach part-time at other schools. I, however, find my teaching hours every week quite sufficient; basically, I like my days off. So how to reconcile my need for more funds with my dislike for extra teaching work? It’s quite simple: Foreign sells.
Around these parts, actual teaching experience and ability matter little: it’s all about having a foreign face and speaking English. It is quite often that I feel we are just here to be paraded around. For now, having a foreigner attached to any sort of event or gathering is deemed to increase its prestige. But you have to remember that the term “foreigner” in China has a slightly different definition. It is all too often used to designate white, English-speaking Westerners. When my students say “all foreigners like to…”, that statement is more often than not completed with some reference to Western habits. I try to explain that most “foreigners” are actually NOT white, western or English-speaking, but it seems to be a lost cause. What about India? Africa? Anyways, that it a whole other rant, so let’s get back to the point.
Since there are a number of events requiring the prestigious presence of foreign “experts”, I have come to the conclusion that I need not do battle with extra class to make more money: I can simply just show up places, be myself, say something…and then get paid. I have had two experiences as of late that seem to exemplify this Dire Straights lifestyle.
1) My primary school gig: Every Monday afternoon, I head over to a local primary school for an hour and a half. Do I teach? no. Rather, I MC their “English Corner”, which means I basically sit around and laugh as crazy funny little Chinese kids play games, sing songs and create a level of positive energy that is solely lacking from most of my university classes. I have no preparation work to do; the teachers at the school set up all the games, and I’m just given a microphone to say a few words at the start and finish and help out. Dare I say it’s almost…fun! A welcome break from my usual classroom environment. 100 RMB per hour.
2) My dubbing career: The other day I was brought down to a local tv station to dub a promo video for a company. Never mind that I’m no voice actor. Never mind that it was hard to sound enthusiastic when describing the wonders of chain manufacturing. Never mind that I had no idea what I was talking about (cold rolling machine? phosphotizing? wha?) I was white and I could speak English: that was good enough.
I sat in a small soundproof room with some sound technicians, feeling like a cheap B-movie washup as I screwed up lines and swore at my mistakes (”and we use all the latest technology! we have heat press treatment hearth…uhh…oh shit, I really just screwed that up didn’t I?”) I guess I was in there for two hours or so, it was a pretty novel experience. If you ever see a promo for chain manufacturing in China, you might just be listening to me (try not to laugh too hard). Reward for my troubles? 500 RMB! Maybe I should just move to doing this full-time.
So instead of earning money through perseverance and hard work, I can just whore out my foreigner status. Don’t look down on me: we’ve ALL done it at one point or other. But the smarter among us realize this whole craze cannot last forever, and get our free ride in while we can. People around here will wake up and realize that, hey, maybe that big white guy isn’t so cool after all. Maybe some day in the distant future, teaching at a university level around here might actual require some qualifications, not just a remotely “Western” appearance. Maybe someday Chinese people will stop feeling so insecure about themselves and proudly display Asian models to sell products, instead of displaying the ugly foreigner who is no more of a model than I am.
But for now this is the “Foreigner Golden Era” in China. People will look back on these days and say: “hey, remember how many banquets we used to get invited to?”
I’m not special, I’m not good-looking…heck, I’m probably not even all that intelligent! But I wasn’t born in China, and that seems to be all that matters.